He makes me feel comfortable and confident in who I am. I know he will never judge anything I say. We have a rare relationship between a man and woman, who respect each other as intelligent adults. We value true friendship and trust. We're both trying to earn those back in ourselves. Our favorite past time together has always been listening to music and smoking; reflecting on the mysteries of life, the Universe, love. This man has gained my respect in entirety by loving music the way he does. It's as I do. To find another that truly experiences music as I experience music, is rare. I do not believe he knows how much I appreciate the privilege of listening to music with him and how much it all means to me.
The people in my life are everything. A deep, soulful love has formed in my heart for all the people in my life; past, present, and future. I fail to express the wisdom that has come from experiencing my life with everyone that has crossed my path. You have all had a part in molding me and you are apart of me. You're the best part of me. My life has been the most amazing life I never imagined. And the only thing appropriate response is me bowing in sincere gratitude for every memory, and moment in time we shared. Namaste. You all have the most beautiful of souls. <3
To my above mentioned friend: You were there for me when no one else was. You have always told me the truth. You came into my life and showed me kindness when I felt alone and needed a hug. I feel like we were meant to know each other and that we have known each other for much longer than what is actually true. Anytime you want me by your side, I'll be there as fast as I can. And know that all I have said is out of love for who you really are. Maybe we met when we did, so I could introduce you to a hope in this fight you have been handed. The ultimate fight. And such hope is real. I love you. Thank you for being my friend. Please let me be your friend and confidant. Don't push me away. Please. I love you. I feel helpless overall. My heart shatters at the thought of your days coming to a tragic end if this illness triumphs. I wish it were me because you will do more good with your life than I probably will. That's how I honestly feel. And I want to say so much more but I don't know what else there is to say. I just beg you to believe what I have shown you has validity. Please, believe. Please. Believe in living for many years to come for your daughter. She needs you.
The reality that I may lose another treasured friend so tragically has brought back memories of how the tragic death 6 years ago of my friend John, shook my world. Why does it seem like some of the best minds die young? John was one of the most beautiful souls anyone could ever hope to meet. His presence ignited kindness, welcome, and a true friend to all who needed one. John taught me what love for my fellow man truly meant. A email that was read at his funeral stated that when sitting in a park and seeing countless people cross his eyes, he knew that each one possessed a story that was deep and beautiful. He wished it were possible to hear all of them tell their story. John saw the wisdom in everyone's life. When you care enough to listen, you gain foresight and empathy; priceless knowledge. We all go back so far. I did not attend John's funeral and that is a hard choice not to be able to change. The hardest, probably.
John was 23 when he died. He had a heart attack and died in his sleep alone. I had seen John only a few days before. He and I had formed a beautiful friendship. One that I never saw ending so suddenly and tragically. I cannot think of a person who loved life more than John. The cruel irony of someone like that losing life and countless others who don't know what living truly is, yet remain physically alive. I wrote John a letter during my interpersonal communications class. We had an assignment of writing a letter to the person who had the biggest impact on our lives thus far. I sent the letter to John's sister. She has told me she still reads it and I'm so thankful she holds my words that dear.
In my letter I told John thank-you for bestowing one of the highest forms of knowledge and wisdom. Truth in the words spoken by Plato, " To be kind, for all you meet are fighting a hard battle". To give people your time and listen to their story. Give them hugs and smiles and only kindness and respect. Life is tough. Don't make someone's any more tough by being unkind. John was a true friend and listened to me talk about very personal things. Even though he only could say so much, he told me he knew I just needed someone to listen. I long to talk to John about my life now. I would give anything for his advice, opinions, thoughts. To show him how much I've grown. I wish I could have seen what John would have decided to do with his life, had he lived it longer. There is a musical scholarship, "The John Brumbaugh Musical Scholarship Fund", that may be donated to in his honor. I carry John in my heart and tell his story so that he lives on. Meeting him was a privilege I'll forever be grateful for.
Here is the chorus to a beautiful song "Ashes", which John wrote:
Mountains to Sand
Iron to Rust
Ashes to Ashes
Dust to Dust
Through All These Times
One Thing Stands Above
All That Matters In Life Is Love
My life is filled with wonderful hello's and tragic goodbyes. As I wade in the sea of life and blindly chase my dreams, I am departing with home, my family once again, dear friends. Indiana has been home and is the place where I have met some of the best people in the world. How I wish we could all remain together forever but such is not life. People move. Life happens. There is a sweet pain to the constant goodbye's that are inevitable. Physically we can never always be together. I can not always be with my sweet mother and precious cat, watching "Little House on the Prairie"; my favorite and most safest of spots. But, I long to sometimes.
I wish nothing but peace and prosperity to all. But mainly peace through the weathered change that is the only constant. May your health and well-being be in abundance. May your loved ones be close. May you smile and make smile. May all your dreams come true. May your love for yourself be the greatest love of know. May you find your true self and live to tell your story. May peace be in your soul.
Life isn't fair and I wish more than anyone perhaps, that it were.
As I depart on a new adventure; one that I have complete faith in. I say goodbye to Indiana; my Home. I thank you for the countless good fortunes, greatest of encounters, unforgettable memories, priceless knowledge and wisdom. You have made me who I am today. Forever will I hold the kind nature, respectful values, and open-mind that you instilled in me, as the foundation of who I am. I'm sure I will return. However, I am realizing that I am leaving knowing that I will not be returning to stay in the near or far future.
Saying goodbye to the people in my life here is a sweet pain. It's a pain of life that must be endured. I am not the best at goodbyes. Tears have dropped in heavy waves. I hope that I am able to return in the near future and visit with all of you. But life offers no guarantee. Know that you all live on in my heart. That is how a heart goes on. That's how all hearts go on. Through Each other. Every encounter, no matter how short or long, always ends. Life always ends. We all pay the price of wisdom by living life, with all its goodbyes, hellos; to people, places, and things. We all pay the price of living to experience life.
Andy Warhol once said that he did not understand "hard work" because life is something that is hard work at something you don't want to do. Living life and treading forward, all while dealing with sudden goodbyes, pain, and never feeling that there is enough time, is tough. Really tough. Bittersweet. Out of anyone's control. But what a beautiful thing that life truly is. My life and the people that make my life what it is, is a gift that I feel humbled to have been given. I try to not take anything for granted. I choose a life of travel to find answers to questions. I dream of seeing the whole world and meeting as many people as I possibly can. That road will entail countless more goodbyes. The sweet pain keeps me alive. The sweet pain means you're alive in a world that is so desolate of true life.
May the chances I have had in my young life be the chances that generations have for futures to come. May all life be upheld and allowed to thrive and prosper. May people help each other live. May harmony and good-will be victorious over hate and ignorance. May the Music of the Earth Guide Us.
Tis' my most honored privilege to tell my own story. It's the most beautiful story I could ever have wrote because of the people that are in it. Somehow I learned things that the world can't seem to comprehend and that has given me valued intellectual property. I know the power that faith in love, people, in music, in open-minds, in equality. I live it. It's the most powerful knowledge to have and it's the easiest to obtain. Open your heart and you will obtain the life-giving water of true love. Of Peace on Earth. Of true Love for Life. Every moment of it. And each moment is a gift. Each moment is everything.
I'm honored to know that Elon Musk is a reincarnation of Nikola Tesla. I'm honored to know that Dr. Gerson's "Gerson Therapy" is a real cure for cancer. I'm honored to know that John Lennon really didn't just imagine. These people and countless others, yet few in comparison to all lives, paved the way for a future that uplifts and loves life. We do that through ourselves first but then the real gift of love is the gift of love to all other life, as we do ourselves. Because we're all one. And it's how your life and mine lives in eternity.
